I was so happy when my sister went to college; I could finally have the TV and two rooms to myself. Now that I’m in college, I’m miserable again. I’ve discovered that roommates are like siblings: they’re great when you need something, but just get in the way the rest of the time.

So, two weeks ago I bought a bunch of nice new clothes, because I was bored with school and felt like shopping. I’ve worn most of them, but a few of the items are still hanging in my “elephant” (this wooden closet thingamajig), just waiting for me to wear them.

Well, yesterday, for some strange reason my roommate decides to microwave some fish. On a sidenote, I go to MIT, you know the school full of smart nerds. After being here for a while I have learned that there a lot of real dumb(complete the word!) smart people walking around disguised as intelligent human beings. These people have no common sense; for example, when it’s cold outside (ie. 4 degrees F), wear shoes and pants; don’t go bearfoot, don’t wear flip-flops, don’t wear shorts!

Getting back to my roommate, he’s the first person I’ve met he doesn’t realize that when the food begins to pop/sizzle, it just might be done heating. Needless to say, he burns his food. I wasn’t in the room at the time, but when I get to the stairs (nowhere near my room) I smell a burning smell. I’m thinking, “man someone needs to learn how to cook. I bet their room is pretty messed up.” So, I walk to my room, and I notice the smell is getting stonger. “Oh, crap, it must have been someone on my floor.” I get to my room, open the door (first sign of stupidity), and I die!

This idiot is sitting in a completely closed room that smells like burned fish, playing a video game. No windows/doors open, no fans blowing, no nothing! Stupid! So, I open a window and leave the door open as well, but that doesn’t solve the problem at all.

This is horrible, because it’s midnight, and I’m tired! What’s worse, is that today I throw on a shirt from my elephant, which by the way is right next to the microwave, so that I can go to show here on campus. When I get there, the whole place smells like burned fish. Now surely they didn’t burn fish in the auditorium. Of course not! All of my clothes (even those brand new ones with tags still on them) in the elephant smell like burned fish, and now need to be either washed, or in the case of my suits dry-cleaned. All of this because a supposed genius was too stupid to open a window.

I just took a shower a few minutes ago, feeling all clean and everything. I step out, pick up my towel, and I’ll let you guess what it smells like…..that’s right, burned fish.

Do you guys see how my parents abuse me? They send me to this school with all of this hard work, and I’m forced to live with morons. So, if you’d like to support the Adopt-A-Clinton/Buy Clinton New Clothes Because He’s Too Lazy to Walk to the Drycleaner/Get Clinton Some New Clothes Fund, please forward your checks/money orders/credit cards to:

Clinton Blackburn
472 Memorial Drive
Cambridge, MA 02139

Or, transfer money via PayPal to ccb_621@swbell.net.

It’s been real, folks…….really stinky!!